Want to build the evil lair of your dreams?  A place where you can throw off your cape, put away your claws, send the minions to bed, can that vaguely Eastern European accent, and unwind while being pampered by the succubus or incubus of your dreams?  Well, this guide is here to get you started!

There Goes the Neighborhood

It is a well known fact that all vampires crave just one thing: customization.  Go ahead and click on the “Decorate” button to get started.  If it’s not accessible, you may need to pick “remodel” and choose a different house style.

There you are!  That birds-eye-view means the housing customization party has begun.  You can do a lot of different things on this screen, but just to make things easy, let’s start by taking a look at that new “House Items” menu.

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Does this Come in Blood Red?

There’s a lot to see here, so let’s take them one-by-one:

1. Object List: Check out all the toys for your crib here.  You can select different objects by clicking on them, and your current item will always be highlighted yellow.

2. Item Rarity: This will let you know just how impressive each piece of swag is.  It goes all the way from 0-starred common (i.e. your vamparents’ basement) to 5-starred Legendary (50th floor vampenthouse apartment).  If you ever want to impress the other stylish denizens of New Valencia, you’re definitely going to want to get as many stars as possible!

3.  Item Types: You can check out all the different available item types here – hair raising  furniture, blood curdling flair, light fear-inducing  flooring, pretty much unscary outdoor, and reducing-you-to-a-gibbering-mess-of-abject-terror trophies.

4. Destroy Object: Does exactly what it says, but be careful!  Once you click this button, countless tiny housing demons will begin devouring it atom-by-atom until even its memory is lost to you forever.  Suffice it to say: you’re not getting it back.

5. X-button: Once your lair is as pimped out as it can possibly be, click the ‘X’ to stop editing.  Invite your friends over a lesson in exactly where a toilet should be placed,  but make sure you’ve laid out all the necessary drool-catching pans beforehand.

6. Place Item: When your love affair with the menu has ended, click the ‘Place Item’ to plant the item of your choice in the fertile ground of your lair.  Congratulations!  You just earned yourself some killer prestige points! You’ll get them for every sweet new piece of furniture you place, so keep buying and keep sparkling!  Your work has only just begun, however: it’s time to call in the movers.

Fra-gee-lay, Must be Italian

If you’re not happy with simply dumping everything in the center of your house, you’re going to have to start moving it around.  Just click on the object, hold your mouse, and then drag it to the perfect spot!  Some objects, however, have been assigned permanent locations by a crack team of undead structural engineers.  Unless you want to end directions to your house with “two houses down, underneath the pile of rubble,”  You’ll just have to leave them where they are.  You’ll know which ones they are by their red glow and message.

Once you’ve got it in the right place, you can then rotate the object into the correct alignment by using the small ‘rotate’ button.  And, if your first thought upon placement is “What was I thinking?!” You can use the handy “Remove” button to put it back into your housing menu list.  Then, as before, click the ‘X’ and let the housewarming party begin!

Shine on you customization crazy diamonds

So you’ve got the know-how, but how do you get the gear?  If you want to impress fickle vampire friends (and drive your way up the leaderboard at the same time!) you’re going to have to take a pilgrimage to the mecca of vampire furniture fashion: VIKEA!  That’s right, nestled on Allen Wrench Lane in the heart of the Put-it-Together-Yourself neighborhood of the Commercial District you’ll find thousands of items to fit every style and budget.  So, whether you’re looking for something in our future space vampire laboratory collection or just want something like the iron maiden your grandmother had, you’ll find it at VIKEA!  Even easier, just hit the “Buy New Stuff” button in  your Housing Menu and it’ll take you right there!  Do a little shopping, grab some of those imported humeatballs, and then hit the “Home” button to put together your new stuff!  Don’t forget, every piece adds to your prestige so spend those hard earned rubies and ohais on some equally hard earned notoriety!